Martin Bashir: An empty cubicle with a British accent.
Alex Wagner: Using a magnifying glass and wearing gloves lift her upper lip with chopsticks and check for fiber optics.
Andrea Mitchell: A blonde Corinthian leather sheath stretched tight over a linoleum phallus, with eyeliner.
Chris Matthews: A stacked eructating hundredweight of wavering thinly-sliced fried baloney, with inflammable flatulence, drops names during a bombing run over the ruins of an amphitheatre filled with mesmerized cannibals.
Rachel Maddow: Queer Theory, bulked up on a diet of corporate carpet, preaches to the inverted at the Megachurch of the Electric Messiah.
Ed Shultz: Rejected at the processing plant loading dock for Arnie’s Whole Beef Halves.
Mika Brzezinski: Plain vanilla GaGa mousse on a glass cracker, shaved by a Galician barber.
Willie Geist: A shot glass of liquor puris cheats for a high score on the Sebaceous Aptitude Test by stealing glances at the answer sheet of Smug Insight.
Al Sharpton: Cloaca Maxima rides a Harley up the disabled access ramp into NBC News’s ass.
Lawrence O’Donnell: A stick figure in orthopedic shoes takes a nasty tumble while running with scissors and cuts off his own dick.
Joe Scarborough: “Headless Body Found in Topless Bar.”